What is Zyxth anyway

leavemealonewithmyvoices:

i feel like if i ever meet noel gallagher and told him how much some of his lyrics mean to me he would tell me a story about how that important lyric is inspired by some random dog he saw once in a park trying to bite his own tail or some shit… like i feel it.

lindseylipscomb:

“Small talk is simply no fun to an INTJ, who doesn’t really see the point of it. It would be much more interesting to be with a good book, or a few smart friends, than a crowd of strangers who demand to have good impressions, “nice” presentation and dress, and “polite” conversation.

INTJs are capable of making good impressions on that crowd, but it isn’t fun to them. They consider things like fussy grooming or empty flattery to be a bit dishonest, emphasizing appearances and time-wasting niceties over ability, competence and insight, so this type will only do those things for a good reason, not for the hell of it.“

Which explains my inclination in every superficial social situation to say: 

(via the-swift-tricker)

teacherbach:

sociallychallengednerd:

why do people say chicken as a term for coward? Have you ever meet a chicken? Cause those things will fuck you up man

(via spacerocksarelife)

official-deutschland:

official-deutschland:

official-deutschland:

erzählt mir die geschichte deutschlands im stil von “the history of japan”. go!

history of germany

[ACT 1]

Germany is an country surrounded by other countries filled with forests and it’s ♪♫ OKAY ♫♪.

In the year negative a billion, Germany might not have been habitable. In the year negative 700 thousand, it was, and people inhabited it, and those people where Homo Heidelbergensis. Then it got colder, some things changed, they became Neanderthaler, and now there’s lots of ♫ HUNTERS AND GATHERERS ♫. Because there’s animals to hunt.

So now there’s people on the land; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the trees drinking milk off wild cows and using the latest technology. Like stones, and twigs.

Ding dong, it’s southern Europe, and they have technology from the future. Like animal herding, and ♪ farming ♪. Now can make lot of meat really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you a Keltenfürst.

Metal working and trade routes spread all across the land, and so did the Holy Roman Empire. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one (Rome) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or Pope for short.

Knock knock, nails in the door, it’s change. Martin Luther wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Evangelismus) from Wittenberg.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so some of the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.

[ACT 2]

Then, the land was attacked by a bunch of nordics (the Swedes). And they were defeated but after that they changed some things, like making the rulers rule less, and making the rulers more like France’s rulers, which is are rulers that rule less.

“Hi France,” they said.
“Hi potatoes,” said France.
“Can you call us something else, other than potatoes?” said Germany.
“Like what?” said France.
♫♪"How about zum Volk gehörig? “♪♫ (Teutonen) said Germany.
And they stole France’s democracy and wrote a constitution. For themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and had the industrial revolution.

♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Germany has been enjoying invading a bunch of African countries and wants MOOOOOOREE and the next thing on their list is to invade all the countries and also all the stuff.

None of that stuff currently belongs to Germany which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. So you know what that means, duhhh.

♫♪ Germany should shoot some people. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called everyone douche-noodles on all the media to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Austria here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*

Now the war is over, and congratulations Germany, you totally lost it which means you don’t get to sit at the negotiating table, with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also don’t get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.

The Great Depression is bad, and Germany’s economy is now crappy. So they start printing a shit ton of money, which makes everything worse. So they plan on taking over the world again. And everyone is like ♪"No don’t do that even if you’re not in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Germany said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Germany invaded more and more and more of Europe, and was planning to invade the entire World.

[You’ve sent mail.]
It’s to Japan, from the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.

♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said “Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and continued not helping Germany because ♫♪” Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire world.“♪♫

The Nazis are also working on killing all, every single one of the Jews. All of them, ever. Just in case (Racism). But they are still fighting the war, which they are losing, and the United States is really starting to also fight in the war.

And they haven’t used all of the bombs yet, and are curious to see how many it takes, so they drop a few. They actually drop a lot. And the US help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan.

Now that the entire country was not at war with all the other countries, it was divided into two parts. The government parted, a fence was built, a wall was built, everyone learned to say goodbye, constitutions were published. There was protests, heartbreak, wall-climbing, and socialism studies. The East started to study Russian socialism from orders they were given from the Soviet Union. We’re talking Planwirtschaft, Stasi, Zensur, and maybe even Folter.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s West Germany. With a free market. With democracy. Free democracy.
“Open East Germany. Stop. Having it be closed” said West Germany.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they destroyed the wall so everyone could leave anytime they want.

Some people hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
But with almost very little outside help, (from money) they reunited the country. And somehow made the Germans German again, and moved the capital to Berlin, which they didn’t rename. They made a new government, which was a lot more democratic. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty democratic. And a military that was… pretty democratic (small).

The new Germany installed a new constitution, inspired their other constitutions, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Germany starts making steel, machines, automobiles, and beer as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then some right-wing twats get popular again. But everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Tschüss. ♫♪

(via mytaxidermia)

you don’t need to traumatize your children to teach them a lesson

(via eris-complex-deactivated2016062)

official-german-medienlandschaft:

sprachtraeume:

firlachiel:

cuddlyaxe:

thatswhywelovegermany:

jershmersh:

kiwiaupair:

rebecca2525:

sherlylikeswaffles:

wonderfulnonsense:

apfelgranate:

icoulduseinsouciantmaybe:

valarauka:

kkatkkrap:

fujisalci:

inkcaviness:

the-lonely-scottish-guy:

silent-cannibal:

absolut-niemand:

In Germany we don’t say “I don’t care” we say “Das ist mir Wurst” which roughly translates as “This is sausage to me” I think that’s beautiful.

no you don’t understand we actually do say that

i crashed my car into a bridge

THIS IS SAUSAGE TO ME

We also say “That’s not my beer” for “That’s none of my buisness” and I think that’s beautiful

is germany even real

My roommate dated a German.  When I was making dinner one night, he asked my roommate, “this food… does it taste?”

At our confusion, he explained that in Germany, food either “tastes” or “does not taste”.  Which he then said he supposed said something about German food.

To be fair we do say “it tastes good” and “it tastes bad” and many variations thereof, but when we want to be succinct, then yes, it just tastes or doesn’t taste. 

Other fun turns of phrase in German include:

• “Ich versteh’ nur Bahnhof” = “I only understand train station” for when you’re confused
• “Hast du Tomaten auf den Augen?” = “Have you got tomatoes on your eyes?” for when someone’s not seeing the obvious
• “Auf die Schippe nehmen” = “Take someone on a shovel”, basically means to take the piss out of someone
• “Du gehst mir auf den Sack” = “You’re walking on my sack” for when you’re pissed off

the world is beautiful

also there’s  two more variations of “Du gehst mir auf den Sack.” (btw by sack we mean testicle. yeah.)

1. “Du gehst mir auf den Senkel.” = “You’re walking on my shoelace(s).”
2. “Du gehst mir auf den Keks.” = “You’re walking on my cookie.”

ALSO WE HAVE THE WORD “DOCH” (basically means yes, but in response to someone saying no) AND IT IS A FUCKING TRAGEDY THAT THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE HAS NO EQUIVALENT

I MISS ‘DOCH’ SO MUCH you basically have to settle for “does so” or “yes it does” or something not half as succintly defiant

I also miss “aneinander vorbei reden” = “to talk past each other”, meaning when people are completely missing each other’s points / talking about two different things. It’s such nice imagery.

And we call stupid people “Hans Wurst” = “Hans Sausage” (no matter if you are boy or a girl)

Yeah, if we are surprised we say “Holla die Waldfee” = “Holla the forest fairy”

Seriously though, how do children grow up without “doch” und “trotzdem”?

Holy mackerel I love this soooo!!

Also we have “noch in Abrahams Wurstkessel sein,” or “to still be in Abraham’s sausage pot”, which is basically saying you haven’t been born yet. As in, when Carter was president of the US, I was still in Abraham’s sausage pot.

I know “noch als Quark im Schaufenster liegen”, “to be still on display in the shop window as curd cheese” for not having been born yet.

Or there is the slightly less icky “mit den Mücken fliegen”, “to be flying with the mosquitoes”, or something my uncle says in his dialect: “Sternle putze”, “to be cleaning stars”.

Let’s not forget fremdschämen - to be ashamed/embarassed on behalf of somebody else. 

Or our wonderful alternatives to calling somebody “Wimp”: Schattenparker, Turnbeutelvergesser, Warmduscher… (somebody who only parks in the shadow, somebody who forgets their gym bag, somebody who only showers with warm water… the list is endless)

I didn’t even know all of these and I am very german. This post is like next level german.

My favourite so far: “Da kann ich mir auch ne Frikadelle vors Knie nageln und dran drehen bis Musik kommt.” - “Or I could nail a patty to my knee and turn it until it plays music!” which simply means “I sure as hell won’t do that!”

(via official-german-medienlandschaft)